Dear Hooked,
Technology is wonderful as long as we remain the masters of it, not the slaves. You have become the slave - along with approximately 80 million other Americans since the introduction of the cellular phone in 1983.

Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Without much needed breaks, your energy is constantly going outward with no time to recharge your own "batteries." Down time such as walking to your car, driving, eating and so on is very important. This is when you process the input of the day and catch up both mentally and energetically, not dissimilar to the purpose behind sleeping and dreaming.

Limiting your phone usage while driving is perhaps the number one place to start, not only for your mental well being but for your physical. As you know, car accidents caused by inattentiveness from cell phone use is on the rise. Unless you are an air traffic controller who has been trained for multi-task activities, consider limiting your car phone use to emergencies.

Start weaning yourself off your cell phone in decreasing amounts over a period of 4-8 weeks, or whatever timeline you know you can stay with. Be specific each step of the way and be firm when old habits arise. The same applies to internet addiction. This may sound outrageous, but I sign off on my PC Friday night and don’t sign back on until Monday morning. It was a challenge at first, but now it’s like getting off the fast lane and entering into a spa weekend. Think about a baby step that would be doable for you and you will be happier, healthier and lead a more balanced life.
KRS

Dear KRS,
I am at a crucial point in my career where it demands much of my time and attention. Things are going well and I am building a great future for my family. However, my wife of 12 years says she and our two children aren't seeing enough of me. When I bring work home so that I can be around more, she complains that I'm not really "there." The tension of this situation is giving me headaches and making matters worse. What's the solution?
Family vs Work

Dear Family,
It's an interesting but not unfamiliar irony - the very thing you are trying to give your family could actually destroy it. The important thing is that you are taking the situation seriously and catching it early. Too often, I hear the post divorce lament, "If I had only listened better or done something." 

What your family needs (including you) is quality time. Time that is reserved solely for each other. Talk this over with your wife and designate:

1) A "date night" together once a week. It may be a night out on the town or alone at home (leaving the children with friends or relative). Trade off thinking of ideas. 

2) A family night or weekend outing centered around the children. Ask for their input. 

Honor these times as you would your most important business meeting. You will be surprised at how powerful an impact this has on you and your family. The positive effect will carry over into the entire week.
KRS

Dear KRS,

I have been at my present job for 11 months and I enjoy my work. The company shines in developing employees and advancing them within the company. This is important to me and since I am good at what I do, I am enthusiastic about the prospects.

Unfortunately, my superior is making me increasingly uncomfortable with his attentions. In the beginning I thought he was just taking me under his wing, but as time goes on, I realize he is spending too much time “trying to help.”

The past month he has started complimenting me on my attire and my body. This may sound insignificant, but he has also started making physical contact, like patting me on the back and leaving his hand there for a minute. I don’t want to “rock the apple cart” so I have tried to be polite about it. How do I handle this?

Confused About Boss’s Attentions

Dear Confused About Boss's Attentions

What you are experiencing is called sexual harassment and it is more common than you probably are aware. You first must honor your feelings and the reality of what is happening. Don’t worry about the apple cart or your job right now.

Approach your superior in the morning before he comes to your desk. This move is important because it puts you in an aggressive position versus passive. Ask him for an appointment to meet with him as soon as is convenient.

In the meeting, tell him how uncomfortable you are with his attentions and to please cease. Be firm, not hysterical. I wouldn’t throw around “sexual harassment” yet. Give him a chance. Perhaps he was misreading your passivity or politeness as a green flag.

Meanwhile, make notes of time, date and content of this meeting and any others. The very next time he makes you uncomfortable, give him one last chance, this time mentioning that you consider his actions sexual harassment and that if he doesn’t stop you will contact his superior. If his behavior continues, follow through immediately with your promise. Meet with his superior and stick to your guns. Do the right thing and things will work out as they are meant.
KRS

Dear KRS,
I am presently faced with some very difficult situations at work as well as at home, and I need some help and guidance. The stressful life I have been living is starting to show its effects – anxiety, panic attacks at night, disturbed sleep, a mild phobia, etc. 

Things are quite complicated, and I am not sure I could explain them in a satisfactory manner in a few paragraphs, but I will try to focus on what is the most pressing right now. 

I work for a very good company and I have quite a good job. The problems at work are of a relational nature. When I started with this company, I was very stressed and in a state of anxiety (it looks like it is a chronic problem with me), and because of this, I did a number of things that I think were misinterpreted by my colleagues. For this reason, I was not fully accepted by the team members. 

This feeling of isolation made me say and do even more things that were not well taken. I finally got to a point where I felt I couldn’t take it any more and I decided to quit, but after a lot of thinking, I decided to try to fix things. The problem is that I continue to feel isolated, stressed, anxious and unhappy. Given the fact that I don’t feel any motivation to work because of these feelings, I need to find a solution pretty quickly if I want to continue working for this company. Do you have any suggestions? 
Anxiety from Job

Dear Stressed,
First, statistics show that most people experience high levels of stress at least once a week, so you are not alone even though you may feel that way. Problems in the psychological realm are often blown up bigger than necessary, when there thankfully are some very effective solutions. All your symptoms – panic attacks, insomnia, work relationships and so forth are, as you know, related to the ONE thing – stress. It’s sometimes helpful to understand that you don’t have lots of unrelated problems to solve. 

When you say you decided to “fix” things, I’m not sure what you mean, but I hope it was along the lines of communication. In other words, people DO understand and empathize (don’t mix that up with pity) surprisingly well when you express your problems openly and truthfully. Once you open yourself to your coworkers they may surprise you with similar stories and helpful suggestions such as counselors, books and other resources. Also, many companies have their own employee stress management programs so you might want to check into that as well.

A few other suggestions. Exercise. Sweat at least 20 minutes each day, no matter when or how you have to fit it in. It releases endorphins (your own natural pain killer and anti-depressant). Also, take time out to relax (not TV watching) – meditate, take a jacuzzi, talk with friends and family, take nature walks. Make a list of those things you would enjoy doing and then INK them into each and every day, even if only for a few minutes.
KRS

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Dear KRS,
I'm extremely stressed out over work lately! I'm slacking off and just can't seem to pull it all together.  It feels like my life is crumbling before me! What can I do to release some of this tension?
Stressed at Work

Dear Stressed at Work,
Unresolved stress gets trapped in the body and creates a feeling of internal pressure, like a volcano ready to explode.  Your instinct is right - to "release" the built-up tension.  The trick is not to release it in a destructive way, such as taking it out on those around you.  Here are a few suggestions to release the tension in a constructive way that can actually be quite therapeutic:

1)  Hit a pillow or mattress until you are exhausted.  Rest 30 seconds and repeat this process three times.  Don't be surprised if, by the end, tears come.   It's just your volcano's way of erupting - and releasing the stored tension.

2)  Scream and yell out loud.  A good place to do this is in your car or into a pillow (if you have neighbors).

Even if you think it seems silly, give it an honest try and you will be amazed at how effective and simple it is.

Naturally, you also want to do what you can to minimize your job stress, such as communicating your feelings to your boss or even consider changing jobs. 

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Dear KRS,
"I'm a 37 year old executive, single and am happy with what I've achieved thus far in my career.  However, I am disheartened that at this age and stage of my life, my success is often difficult to enjoy because I'm always so stressed.  Basically, I have "bitten the bullet" over the years, ignoring the tension and frequently working 10 hour days. The older I get, the harder it is to ignore.  Where do I start?"
Stressed from Success

Dear Stressed from Success,
I don't believe in remorse but I do believe in learning from the past.  Most people go to their graves never stopping to reflect on the quality of their lives.  They are so busy keeping the hamster wheel going, they don't see that they are on one.  The good news is that by bringing awareness into our days, the "hamster wheel" can be experienced in a new way that actually transforms the wheel to a challenging but fascinating road with lots of rewarding forks.  Congratulations on seeking quality in your life.  Two simple suggestions towards achieving it:

1.  Pause regularly throughout the day for a "be in the moment" check (10-60 seconds).  Put a "be in the moment" sign or reminder on your desk that will bring you to a stop at least once a day.  Look around you and really absorb where you are and what you are doing - in this town, in this building, in this room, holding this file.  Even if it's unpleasant, be still with it and relax into it.  Let your shoulders drop, your face muscles soften.  Eventually you'll learn to recognize the beginning stages of stress so it doesn't have to get to the grinding-your-teeth-at-night stage.

2.  Reinvent your time for YOU.  There's a whole world of people, places and things, not to mention time alone, that's passing you by.  Start by going home on time. Life doesn't have to be a constant emergency.  Besides, statistics say little is accomplished in those extra hours workaholics log.
KRS

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